He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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