ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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