I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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