Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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