i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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