My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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