hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
