so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
