4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just cropdusted the office
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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