What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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