Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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