I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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