i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
