just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
