I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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