Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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