i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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