i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
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