i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I would ride that face into the sunset
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
