It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
