you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
