I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
