If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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