69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
