he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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