I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
