yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize