your thong is hanging out like whoa
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
