Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
