Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
