P.S. I can't hear my feet
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
