Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
pray to the hookup gods
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
