Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
