Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
