I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
