Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize