They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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