'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
