mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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