Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You made out with two different species that night
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
