you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
