I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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