A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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