I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
