Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
