I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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