Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
