that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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