Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
