It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
