The maid of honor just puked.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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