it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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