Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
