I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
