She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
