So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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