I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
