i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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