Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
