She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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