I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
