i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize