I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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