i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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