Already got asked if we're dating
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
