Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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