I'm really into asian looking animals
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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