I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
