dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well you can't waste a boner
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
