My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
