I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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