did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
