Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
