is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
