Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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