I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
