The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
