I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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