NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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