I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We have so much sex to catch up on
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
