Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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